The past two months have been the most challenging months so far in my mom journey. It all started when Stone had a terrible reaction from his 12 month old shots, causing high fever and uncontrollable crying and fussiness. After days of feeling completely helpless, Stone finally returned to his normal self.
As soon as I let out a sigh of relief, a severe double ear infection snuck up on us while we were out of town. Again, more crying, and he needed more of my undivided attention. He was so uncomfortable, I could not put him down without him crying. Living more than two weeks with a baby on my hip, and a 4 year old vying for my undivided attention – needless to say, I was feeling defeated. I was exhausted, frustrated, helpless… you name it, I was feeling it. A few days later, the ears healed and he finished his round of antibiotics.
Two days later, we were greeted with his upset stomach and ALL of the issues that go along with that. I will spare you the details, but you can use your imagination. After day of being covered in… the side effects of his sickness, and countless diaper changes I have never felt more helpless.
My breakdown finally happened when Stone woke up at 6AM screaming in pain because his diaper rash was so bad. I put him in the bathtub and got on my knees. I cried. I prayed. “Lord, please take this sickness away from my baby. I can’t take this anymore, please give me the strength and patience to overcome this.” While in my moment of weakness and sulking in my own pity, I got to thinking. I knew I wasn’t alone. I knew in that moment there were other women all over the world feeling frustrated and defeated.
Is it the lady behind me at the grocery store checkout line? The sweet lady across the street from me who disguises her cancer with a wig?
She might not be covered in baby poop, but I can guarantee there is ALWAYS someone who has it worse than you.
With social media being the main avenue of communication these days, of course we want to share the good. What about the bad?
Nobody wants to be the Debbie Downer who posts the negatives. But I’m sure you can think of that certain Facebook friend that does. Despite all of the motivational quotes, pictures of children, dogs and family, there is one thing we have in common: we have all cried. You are not alone. We’ve all cried from guilt, exhaustion, or heartbreak. We’ve all felt judged and not worthy. Judged by society and, sadly, judged by other moms.
Are you the mom who posts pictures of her sweet newborn with a sweet caption; but behind your smile are tears from your battle with Post-Partum Depression?
Don’t be embarrassed, Mama, you’re not alone.
What about the mom who feels guilty her milk never came in? She feels mom-shamed by the “breast is best” advocates because she isn’t able to give her baby the “liquid gold” they claim her baby needs to thrive. Let’s get one thing straight. I am hopeful there will be a day where we STOP with “breast is best” talk. FED is best—and that’s all there is to it. However YOU choose to feed your baby is what’s best for them, and do NOT let anyone tell you otherwise.
The mom who sat in her car, and cried after dropping her child off at daycare for the first time because her maternity leave was up? Exhausted and annoyed that, for the 50th time, she was told “Don’t worry, it’s harder on you than it is on your child.” While that statement is definitely true, it doesn’t heal a hormonal mom’s hurting heart.
Are you the mom that is able to stay home, but chooses to have a career because you know wouldn’t be fulfilled without it? More power to you, Mama! I’ll be honest, There are days I wish I had a full-time job and had an office to “escape” the whining and the laundry. But I know if you have full time job, the whining and laundry still awaits you upon your arrival home.
The angel of a mom who hits her breaking point after her Autistic son has another public outburst, all while people stare in judgement. You are also not alone. Special moms like you were put on this earth to cherish the children that others are too weak for.
What about the woman who has been unsuccessful in trying to conceive a child of her own? She cries from frustration and hopelessness. People tell you to “keep praying,” but you are secretly starting to lose faith. You see other moms complaining about no sleep and dark circles, but what they don’t understand is you would gladly take the sleepless nights and hectic schedules if it meant that you were blessed with a child of your own.
The mom that lays in bed with tears and fear because she watched her 18-year-old baby board an overseas military airplane. Will it be the last time she said “I love you?” She doesn’t know.
Perhaps you are the stay at home mom who feels guilty and inadequate because you are not able to contribute financially, and for that, your children wear hand-me-downs, and now you can’t afford private school.
What about the woman who chose to never have kids? Maybe you never met your life partner, or you simply never wanted a child. Regardless, I’m sure you’ve felt judged and questioned as to your very personal decision. Perhaps you get your kid-fix through your nieces and nephews, and that’s good enough for you.
After being around my wild children, I’m convinced my younger sister will not have kids, and be about that #auntlife forever.
I come across women all the time in public who have seen me overwhelmed while chasing my kids. 100% of the time, their message is the same. “The days are so long, but the years are way too short.”
What they would give to have their grown children toddlers again… Trading in cellphones, bullying, and teenage hormones for returning to the simpler life of limited sleep and Sesame Street.
Regardless of what kind of woman you identify with, you are not alone. Whether you are a mom or not, you are not better than me, and I am not better than you. Having or not having children does not make us more or less of a woman. We all deserve and need support.
Guilt, embarrassment, tears, fear, failure, judgment. You name it. We have ALL felt it. We are all guessing at this “motherhood gig” and no one truly knows what they’re doing. If anyone tells you otherwise, they are lying. We are all just trying to survive and have enough energy at bedtime for “alone time” with our partners. The struggle is real, am I right?
At the end of the day, our ultimate goal is to be the best version of ourselves, advance in our careers, and raise children that aren’t assholes.
We are our worst critics, but as long as we are trying our best, that’s good enough. I’m here to let you know feelings you’ve felt are real and nothing to be embarrassed of—we have all been there.
You are strong, worthy, and you are an inspiration to me. Nothing in life that is worth having ever came easy, right? We wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good if we never experienced the bad.
Now that I am done sulking in my own frustrations, I am here to be your cheerleader. I want to let you know you are amazing. You got this, girl. If you feel like you are failing, I promise, you’re not.
If women don’t come together and support each other, then who will? No matter your situation, all of us have a lot more in common than we think. The majority of us have extra pounds we’d like to lose, along with cellulite and stretch marks we try to cover. Can you imagine if all women treated each other like they do when they’re drunk in the bathroom at the bar? Some of the nicest, friendly and uplifting women I’ve ever met have been drunk in the ladies room! I know some of you can relate.
Instead of moms supporting moms, let’s try women supporting women.
I encourage you to give another woman a pat on the back, and let her know she is worthy. Call a friend and let her know you appreciate her friendship. We all have days of insecurities, and need reassurance. Friend going through a rough spot? Let her know you’ve been there, and that she is not alone. Co worker get a new haircut? Tell her it looks fabulous. Mama needs a break? Take some time for yourself, and get some girls together for Happy Hour. They might need it more than you think.
Remember, the size of the gesture does not determine the impact.
I am thankful for each and every one of you that has ever given me a compliment, motivation, or advice when I secretly needed it most—whether you knew it or not. If I can inspire or make just ONE woman feel supported and not alone, then I have achieved my goal.
If you are looking for someone to talk to, I want you to know I am here. You are not alone.
Another week down. Cheers, ladies, we made it to the weekend.
XOXO,
Lyndsey
Leave a Reply